i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry about my life...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize