quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
