How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
