i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
