And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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