Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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