OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
