dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
