i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
