Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he fucked my hip out of place.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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