Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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