doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize