the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
