you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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