So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
