If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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