You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
