bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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