My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
