In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
