you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
