I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
