News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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