the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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