I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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