You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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