Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
