Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
