i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
