I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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