He kissed a someone with a penis
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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