I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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