There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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