ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
