He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
