Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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