if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
