mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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