When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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