I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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