Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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