i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
