I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think my vagina is haunted
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
