She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
