Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
