mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
