I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
