I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
