the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize