Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
