there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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