I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
