It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
