Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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