"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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