but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
