Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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