first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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