i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
