you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
