ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
