Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize