I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
