1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
