im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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