Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
