I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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