I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
